It was reiterated to me today that this a Dogs Make Me Happy Humans Make My Head Hurt Shirt boy will be leaving at some point in the near future. & though I’m excited for him, I’m struggling for me. It’s been a constant push & pull to unite my head & my heart lately.
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At the same time, my heart screams out in fear. I’m afraid of a Dogs to Make Me Happy Humans Make My Head Hurt Shirt losing him forever, I’m afraid of the hurt I’ll feel, I’m anxious & overwhelmed. & then some days my heart says I’m all in, but my head asks why I’m giving so much energy, so much time, so much everything on what I may never see the fruits of my labor from. On days like today where he won’t stop crying & throwing the biggest toddler fit I’ve seen.
It would be easier on me if I was a Dogs Make Me Happy Humans Make My Head Hurt Shirt emotionally detached, cut off, just going through the motions until we can get to bedtime; but I can’t, that’s not how fostering works. That’s not what I signed up for. None of this is supposed to be about me. I’m the adult, willing & able to do all the hard things that come alongside foster care. I have to always remember that it’s way less scary for me to experience losing a child that I’m “too attached” to than it is for that same child to miss out on such beautiful & needed attachment for the time they are in my home.